User:Mark Gahegan
Mark was born into a poor farming family eking out an existence on the cold, bleak moorlands of Yorkshire, England. Bananas have never flourished well in this type of climate, and it was not long before Mark was sold off by his family to finance his mother's gin addiction. He was purchased by the local university labs, to be the subject of scientific experiments. Thus began his fascination for science, (and his addiction to smoking 200 cigars a day) which have remained with him ever since.
After playing the piano in a brothel for several years on leaving school, Mark gladly accepted a position as floor sweeper in the School of Computing Studies, at the University of Leeds, UK, where he worked with dedication for a number of years amid a cloud of cigar smoke. He was deported to Australia for 'Spitting On A Tuesday', which is still a capital offence throughout most of Europe.
Upon arrival in the Antipodes he adjusted to a life of hard labor during the day at the Department of Geographic Information Science, Curtin University, but still found the energy to study Australian Slang at night school. His progress, according to his teachers, was "very poor" since he only managed to learn to say "G'day" after several years of intensive effort. During his time in Australia he remained constantly amazed by the 'big yellow round hot thing' in the sky.
After serving just less than six years of his life sentence, Mark was released from the colonies (due to a clerical error) and boarded a ship bound for the New World, to seek fame, fortune and a cure for cigar addiction. In between auditioning for rock bands, panning for gold and attending the Betty Ford clinic he worked at The Pennsylvania State University, Department of Geography; where, after a freak (and almost fatal) accident involving a metal helmet, an industrial magnet, a javelin and a large clock dial, he was employed as a compass.
In late 2007, anticipating an immanent reversal in the Earth's magnetic field, he wisely returned to the southern hemisphere, where he believes his polarity and skill as a compass will shortly be in demand. Failing that, he plans to retool himself as a parking meter. In the meantime, he continues to make up ridiculous tales about his life for anyone idle enough to read them.
He is no longer certain as to where he is from, and even less certain about where he is going. His research interests are also very uncertain indeed, but they currently include the study of the habitat niche of the Highland Haggis the inappropriate or incorrect use of Geographic Information Systems, the mythical origins of GIScience and the use of geographers as resources in search procedures.
